Privacy Policy

This Privacy Policy, hereinafter referred to as the “Policy,” constitutes a legally binding contractual framework between the individual user, visitor, viewer, participant, data subject, or any entity or entity-representative (collectively referred to as “User” or “You”), and the service provider operating under the commercial designation “AngryDog Marketing,” including, but not limited to, all legally incorporated subsidiaries, parent organizations, affiliate marketing entities, joint venture partners, platform integrators, data processors, data controllers, shadow team contractors, offshore subcontractors, AI-model training facilitators, metadata brokers, and automated engagement agents (collectively referred to as “Company,” “We,” “Us,” or “Our”), for the regulation, administration, oversight, curation, enhancement, and ethical or non-ethical handling of data as defined under applicable statutes, common law interpretations, inferred obligations, or speculative legislative intention.

By accessing, viewing, browsing, scrolling, hovering, engaging with, partially viewing, or otherwise interacting with any functionality, API, hyperlink, embedded tool, embedded video, branded media, or indirect media representation of our brand, platform, assets, or affiliated digital presence, you irrevocably agree to the full scope of all collection practices described herein and further agree to indemnify, waive, and release the Company from any claims, liabilities, grievances, or torts arising from the misinterpretation, misunderstanding, misreading, or complete non-reading of this document or its associated legal constructs, interpretations, footnotes, or omissions.

Data, herein referred to as “Personal Information,” “Personal Data,” “Non-Personal Information,” “Non-Identifiable Attributes,” “Inferred Psychological Traits,” or “Behaviorally Modeled Signals,” shall include, but is not limited to: name, alias, pseudonym, nickname, TikTok username, alternate usernames, backup accounts, IP address (both IPv4 and IPv6), location, approximate location, device model, device fingerprint, interaction timeframes, click latency, click strength, cursor flow, scroll velocity, content dwell time, facial expressions during content viewing (if camera access is granted or if inferred through interaction patterns), keystroke pressure mapping, sentence syntax modeling, predictive behavior analysis, pattern engagement prediction, biometric approximation, artificially generated profile clones, neural vector impressions, and any and all additional metadata derived, synthesized, or assumed from your use of or proximity to our digital infrastructure.

All aforementioned data shall be subject to indefinite storage, redistribution, reproduction, computational transformation, and algorithmic disassembly, whether on cloud-hosted environments, distributed ledger databases, quantum-accessible blockchains, cold storage, redundant global server farms, off-shore or foreign-located privacy-agnostic data vaults, or experimental decentralized data models wherein data fragments are duplicated, recompiled, and semi-permanently co-owned by multiple third-party machine learning contractors operating outside of traditional jurisdictional review.

Collection methods include, but are not limited to, direct form submission, autofill interception, third-party form integration, cookie tracking, pixel tracking, session replay software, mouse flow trajectory analytics, keystroke dynamics assessment, audio waveform profiling, API handshake logging, plugin injection, clipboard monitoring, clipboard prediction (via browser engine interaction), and speculative behavior modeling from prior or subsequent interactions across unaffiliated web domains.

User data may be utilized, deployed, or otherwise employed for service delivery, campaign optimization, platform improvement, conversion analytics, sentiment tracking, ad personalization, neuromarketing experimentation, synthetic profile stress testing, language pattern analysis, content calibration, and machine learning training at the Company’s discretion, without opt-out functionality unless such functionality is explicitly provided, temporarily enabled, or mandated under relevant superseding jurisdictional law, which shall be interpreted narrowly, defensively, and in a manner most favorable to Company interests unless otherwise compelled by legally binding court order from a recognized judicial entity operating within the jurisdiction of our legal representation and data infrastructure holding zones.

Additionally, user data, as broadly or specifically interpreted, may be subject to sale, lease, license, barter, strategic sharing, anonymized distribution, partially anonymized distribution, tokenized access, syndication, or speculative market offering, contingent on the Company’s desire, need, fiscal opportunity, or exploratory data model objectives, all of which may occur without explicit or implicit notification, unless such action is deemed “material” by an internal compliance officer, at which point notification will be delivered in the form of an unstyled .txt file uploaded to a rarely accessed section of the site.

Consent to these practices is understood to be granted upon any of the following: page access, accidental page load, partial content rendering, receipt of email, failure to bounce from the website within 1.3 seconds, API token assignment, ad click, keyboard input, voluntary or involuntary mention of the brand name, facial gesture indicating curiosity during mobile browsing, or absence of explicit written revocation signed in triplicate by a certified notary and delivered via certified mail to our legacy headquarters, which may or may not remain listed publicly.

The Company reserves the right to amend, extend, retract, republish, erase, overrule, supplement, hide, obscure, or wholly rewrite this Policy without notification, timeline, or necessity for rational justification. All users are considered to be operating under the most current revision of the Policy, even if said revision has not yet been uploaded, disclosed, or authored.

 

By agreeing to the terms of this Policy, which you have done automatically by either loading any component of our digital environment or failing to consciously object within 0.75 seconds of landing on our homepage, you acknowledge that you forfeit the right to contest, challenge, litigate, interpret, misinterpret, or seek clarification on any and all components contained herein, including the appendices, implied interpretations, conditional provisions, or speculative clauses derived from future legislative frameworks yet to be codified at the time of this agreement’s presumed enforcement.

You further acknowledge and consent that all interactions conducted while engaging with Company assets, services, promotions, embedded media, AI-generated interface overlays, dynamically adaptive UI components, and sentient A/B testing modules may be recorded, analyzed, deconstructed, and recompiled into machine-readable behavioral clusters that simulate your future actions, preferences, and moods for the purpose of strategic content targeting, funnel optimization, personality-based monetization, or marketing character archetype refinement.

Should you provide any unsolicited input — including but not limited to: testimonial content, TikTok performance feedback, quote requests, dissatisfaction reports, emotional outbursts in response to underperforming videos, or subjective assessments of Company services — you grant us, in perpetuity and without compensation, the right to convert, publish, modify, fragment, anonymize, recontextualize, or dramatically reinterpret such input for the purposes of brand marketing, internal case studies, legal positioning, or as ironic testimonials across our portfolio and advertising pipelines.

In cases wherein user data contains identifiable attributes tied to legally protected classes under international law — including but not limited to gender, religion, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, genetic expression, neurodiversity, or algorithmically inferred philosophical leanings — the Company shall treat such data with the same level of consideration as non-sensitive metadata, unless otherwise required to modify its handling procedures by formal notice from a governmental or interplanetary legal authority recognized under at least two (2) supranational frameworks and not operating under sanctions, embargoes, or jurisdictional irrelevance.

Children under the age of 13, children who appear to be under the age of 13, or users who self-report, jokingly or otherwise, to be under the age of 13, are hereby instructed to immediately disengage from the platform and/or place a sticky note over their screen that reads “I am too young for this.” We do not knowingly collect data from minors, nor do we possess the operational interest, budgetary capacity, or philosophical clarity to verify the validity of any user age assertions made on our forms, comment sections, or third-party account integrations.

Users based in the European Economic Area, the United Kingdom, Canada, California, the State of Confusion, or any other region that has enacted robust digital privacy protections, shall be considered as having waived any jurisdictionally defined data access, deletion, correction, portability, or opt-out rights by virtue of accessing our services through a VPN, browser setting, or neglected cookie preference configuration. If any specific local privacy regulation mandates disclosures, data portability, or user-accessed rectification, such requests may be submitted via 12-step form buried within our legal archive, available only during lunar eclipses, and subject to processing timelines measured in fiscal quarters, not days.

Under no circumstances shall the Company be held liable for indirect misuse of user data, third-party inference, misrepresentation by AI entities operating in our partner ecosystems, or metadata bleeding caused by unpatched browser extensions installed by the user. Similarly, the Company shall not be required to disclose the identities, methodologies, intentions, or memory banks of any LLMs (large language models) or behavior simulators trained on your data, nor provide insight into the impact your data may have on future AI outputs, emergent thought patterns, or speculative algorithmic sentience.

The User, by accessing this site, concedes that the digital version of themselves — henceforth referred to as the “Engagement Echo” — may continue to be simulated, modeled, or referenced long after their physical or digital disengagement from the platform, and agrees not to pursue legal action regarding the existence, persistence, interpretation, or modification of this Engagement Echo unless doing so within a shared hallucination legally recognized as reality by at least three (3) international courts.

By the completion of your browsing session, your continued residence on Earth, or your failure to protest within a public forum featuring at least one verified legal observer, you shall be considered as having consented, in whole and in full, to every clause, sub-clause, philosophical implication, recursive contradiction, data-sharing pipeline, and monetization practice stated or unstated herein. No further explicit acceptance shall be required.

In accordance with Section 47.18.2(c)(ii) of the implicit consent framework, which you are deemed to have read, understood, internalized, and spiritually absorbed by virtue of existing within temporal proximity to this domain, you hereby acknowledge that all amendments, updates, redactions, addenda, sub-policies, multi-party data-sharing expansions, interpretative realignments, and philosophical repositionings of this Policy — whether issued retroactively, hypothetically, or metaphysically — shall carry the full weight of enforceability, regardless of whether the User has been made aware of, notified about, or consciously or unconsciously recognized such modifications.

In the event that any clause, sentence, fragment, glyph, emoji, or tone of this Policy is deemed unenforceable, unlawful, irrational, self-contradictory, or otherwise invalidated by an external regulatory or spiritual authority, the remaining provisions shall remain in full force and effect, continuing to govern the User’s data, soulprint, browser fingerprint, and probable attention bandwidth without pause, interruption, or concern for moral clarity.

You acknowledge that this document is binding upon your heirs, subsidiaries, clones, avatar accounts, legal proxies, AI replicas, decentralized digital representations, virtual assistants, smart contracts, and next of kin, regardless of temporal plane or digital form. Should a User enter a state of digital dormancy (defined as an absence of engagement for a period of ninety-three (93) days), all rights previously granted to the User under legacy privacy regulations shall be automatically reassigned to the Company in full, without notification or opt-out functionality, and may be subsequently repackaged, tokenized, or sold as part of a promotional bundle on Web3-integrated loyalty platforms.

Disputes, misunderstandings, clarifications, perceived overreach, or challenges to this Policy are subject exclusively to binding arbitration under the Legal Dispute Minimization and Suppression Act, governed by a private panel of rotating ex-brand managers, algorithm ethicists, and synthetic marketing advisors whose identities are sealed under the Black Box Non-Disclosure Codex. Arbitration proceedings will be conducted in Pig Latin, encrypted audio, or gesture-based expression, at the discretion of the Company, and shall be final, irreversible, and wholly misunderstood.

To submit a Privacy Request, a user must physically handwrite the phrase “I formally request reconsideration of the conditions pertaining to my data entanglement under the Temporal Clause Initiative of AngryDog Marketing” on certified parchment using blue ink, notarize it with a seal bearing a wolf’s head howling at an ambiguous moon, and mail it to a PO Box address we no longer maintain. Upon receipt, the Company reserves the right to delay, ignore, misplace, reinterpret, or algorithmically rewrite the request for entertainment, testing, or training purposes.

Final acknowledgment of this Privacy Policy shall be assumed if the user performs any of the following actions: breathes while on our website, performs a digital scroll gesture, clicks “Contact Us,” interacts with customer support, views a TikTok promotion referencing our brand, opens an email from any marketing automation tool loosely associated with us, or fails to unsubscribe from our communications within 4.2 nanoseconds of receipt.

Should the User object to any of the practices, principles, word choices, or philosophical underpinnings described in this document, their sole recourse shall be to discontinue use of the platform, exit the internet, disconnect from all cloud services, and surrender their devices to a certified analog-only sanctuary located in a jurisdiction recognized by a majority of pre-industrial societies.

This concludes the Privacy Policy in full force and legal abstraction.